Rappers and Republicans.They’re more similar than you might think at first.
Both groups are fans of uninhibited prosperity and jewelry, distrustful of government, and favor empowering the individual. Both groups not only treat women like objects, but like objects that have somehow offended them and therefore need to be punished, either by restricting access to birth control or having dollar bills thrown at them. Both groups can make you irrationally angry at your place in the socioeconomic hierarchy or make you laugh because of how stupid they’re acting. You get it, right?
Since Election Season is once again sweeping our great nation like an untreated case of Ebola, I decided to challenge myself. Could one man make Republican candidates look like various rappers using only the “power” of MS Paint, widely regarded as the Jim Belushi of software?
Below is your answer. Look upon my works ye mighty and despair:
Candidate: The Notorious J.E.B.
Sample Lyric: “I love it when you call me Big Poppa/Throw ya hands in the air if youze a job-creator”
Candidate: Ted Cruz-Pac
Sample lyric: “Was born dumb and smug, addressing the mass public/My attitude was “fuck it”, cause Tea Party muthas love it”
Candidate: Rick Ross Perry
Sample lyric: “Real Ricky Perry, governor of Texas/More executions than diamonds on my necklace *RUH*”
Candidate: Marco, the Legislator
Sample lyric: “I’m an underachiever, so how about I start a team of leaders/And pick up Herbert Hoover to be the wide receiver?”
Candidate: Scott Walker Flocka Flame
Sample lyric: “Gotta Super PAC and gotta mistress (What else?)/A couple Koch bros, I’m so hood rich”