19 ways in which watching your wife give birth is like taking a magic mushroom trip
I read the results of a study a while back about magic mushrooms in which the participants ranked the psychedelic experience they had up there with watching the birth of their children. Then recently, I watched my child get born. “Holy shit!” I thought, “They’re right!” Here are 19 ways in which the two experiences are directly comparable:
1. It’s a single-day experience that totally changes your life and the way you think, mostly for the better.
2. It often starts spontaneously in the middle of the night.
3. It’s natural and sacred.
4. More often than not someone ends up getting naked.
5. Most people have misconceptions about it until they’ve tried it.
6. At some point someone gets down on all fours and starts primal screaming.
7. You never forget it and tout it years later as one of the most spiritual experiences of your life.
8. It’s best if at least one person in the room is sober.
9. It’s good in water.
10. You wouldn’t want to do it two days in a row. Every couple of years is a decent maximum.
11. Your partner is your touchstone throughout the journey.
12. It lasts longer than you expect it to.
13. It’s not for everyone.
14. It’s not cool to take pictures in the middle but some schmucks do it anyway.
15. There’s no adequate way to describe it aside from crude and inexact comparisons.
16. People have been doing it forever.
17. You shouldn’t do it in a department store. A controlled environment is strongly recommended.
18. Once it’s over you sleep for 15 hours before waking up with a giant headache and realizing that everything is different.
19. It shouldn’t be illegal.