What It Takes For a “Pornbot” to Know That She’s Not Being Taken Seriously
By Chris Blackwood
They are referred to as Pornbots: those annoying, so-obviously-robotic ladies of the internet who always seem to find a way to contact you on your most modern medium of communication. Did you stop using chat rooms in 1997 along with everyone else whose put pants on since? No problem, they’ll find you on AOL Instant Messenger. What’s that? That’s not relevant anymore either? Well that’s just fine, because they’ll find you on Gchat. Or Whatsapp. Or Jdate. Or Farmersonly. The point is they’ve gone too far.
I’m not sure if it’s the porn that my friends always watch on my computer (come on guys, cut it out!), or the fact that I have such an approachable online presence, but for some reason I am regularly approached by these unmysterious ladies of the interwebs; typically while in a professional setting (which is ironic provided how little I am actually in that setting). Nonethelsss, I am always compelled to respond to them and see how long it takes for them to realize I just don’t take them seriously. Work emails to respond to? Phone calls to answer? Boss standing in front of me asking me a question? Those can wait: a stranger named Zoey is asking me if I’m busy and appears to be in search of someone to talk to- yowza! Let the games begin.
Note: This is a real conversation I had with Zoey a few months ago. Now she won’t return my emails. Women. AmIright?
Zoey: soo you busy?
Sent at 9:52 PM on Monday
me: just putting the last of my dead dogs ashes into a vase
Zoey: Yay someone to talk to !! how are u?
me: and knitting her fur into a vest
Zoey: I’m great thanks for chattin with me I found your name in the google plus members search whatcha up to?
me: like I said, just cleaning up the remains of my dead dog
and hoping that none of my neighbor’s saw the “accident”
Zoey: I would ask to exchange pics, but I think i’d rather see each other, u can see the real thing on my cam… u want to?
Sent at 9:55 PM on Monday
me: oh, no thanks…I’m pretty busy with this taxidermy thing
Zoey: Click www.thisstupidwebsite.com it’s a more secure place with my cam u will have to verify your age so Im not showing my
pussy to a minor , i had to do it too but dont worry its 100% FREE and its alot of fun once u get in
me: the thing is, I only burned the internal organs, and I’m just trying to figure out what to do with the carcas
Zoey: u can just watch me if u want, or we can both get on make sure sign up, then it should connect you to my cam
me: umm are you reading anything that I’m writing?
this is an important project I’m working on
have you ever seen Weekend at Bernie’s?
Zoey: ok, fill out your info,first and last name, make sure you put your correct b-day k? I got something really sexy on for u lol ur gunna like this
me: Well, imagine that, but with a dog
Zoey: Credit card, debit card, or atm is just to verify your age hun, your card will NOT be charged just validated see where it says that? like i said it’s FREE… cant show tits and
pussy to minors..you know?
me: I’m thinking of taking her around to public places (the dog park, etc.) and dressing her up like she’s still alive!
Zoey: I’m inside waiting for you. can u see me yet??
me: and I don’t intend on entering
I would LOVE some help with this project
if you help me, I’ll show you my tits
Zoey: yeah i can be a tease
me: as long as I get some proper identification first
no, I’m talking about ME being the tease
trust me, you’ll thank me later
(my balls are HUGE!)
Sent at 10:00 PM on Monday
Sent at 10:03 PM on Monday
me: do you have any rollerskates? I’m trying to figure out how to best make it look like Lilly is walking on her own
So what does it take for a Pornbot to lose interest? About a page worth of being distasteful. Totally worth it.