FAQs on National Comedy Day petition

Before I answer all these fabulous questions, I’ll point out that none of the questions are frequent because we’re launching this thing today so no one’s asked us a damn thing.

And now, our frequently asked questions:

Why are you doing this? Exactly what do you want? What’s the story?
There should be a national day for comedy in the United States. Don’t you think? It’s a no-brainer. It’s a bipartisan issue. We could unite the nation and break the deadlock. We could change the world. That’s what we want.

Why are you bothering the president with this? Don’t you think he has better things to spend his time doing?
We have the utmost respect for Barack Obama and we’re confident that a low-level surrogate would do most of the work on this. Obama would really just have to sign something to make it official but everything else will be done by a lackey in an excellent suit if we get enough signatures.

As for what else that lackey could be doing – look, comedy is important, okay? People need a laugh once in a while. Anyway, can you let it go? You’re always on my ass about everything. Let this one thing go, this once. Jesus.

Don’t you think 400 million is a little lofty? Did you think perhaps a more realistic goal might be 200 million? Or maybe 300 million?
We aim high here at GCDC. We ask, “why not?” when others ask, “why bother?” The U.S. population currently sits at 320 million people, but that figure doesn’t count the illegal immigrants, who are probably around another 80 million. All we’re saying is that we want everyone in the country to sign.

Come on, this whole thing is bullshit, isn’t it?

No. Why would you even suggest that? It’s offensive, frankly. This is real. Like the moon landing or Donald Trump’s candidacy. Stop taking it lightly and recognize it for the life-changing event that it is. Just because you didn’t think of it doesn’t mean you need to denigrate it. You’re always doing this! Whenever I have an idea you crap on it. No, no, seriously, what’s up with all these obnoxious questions, anyway? You don’t like the premise, you think we’re wasting Obama’s time, you think the goal is too big, and now you’re saying you don’t think we’re serious. Well let me tell you something: this is for real, pal. Get over it. Oh, and please sign.

These are really the only questions we anticipate receiving.

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