Things I’m Going To Do On National Comedy Day

by Matt Dundas

I thought it’d be a good idea to write a blog entry about all the ways I’m going to celebrate National Comedy Day once we win our campaign to persuade President Barack Obama to make May 12 National Comedy Day in the United States of America, the funniest and sometimes greatest nation on Earth, the third planet from the sun, which is at the center of our solar system and the source of all life as we know it, which isn’t too much but still the sun’s responsible for all of it, including all the comedy, so really this should be a petition to worship the sun, but given that that’s unrealistic and pointless we’re putting our energy into the National Comedy Day thing and I thought it’d be a good idea to write a blog entry about all the ways I’m going to celebrate it once we win.

Anyway, I didn’t mean to go into all that other stuff about the solar system, I’ve just been questioning the meaning of it all lately. Like, what’s the point? If it’s just going to be Bush vs. Clinton again, why do any of us even exist?

So here’s a crack at my list of things to do on National Comedy Day:

  1. Wake Up

This is always funny to me because I’m always the same guy in the same messed up situations. Whenever I wake up I immediately think, “oh my god, this again” and chuckle. If there’s a god, I’m sure he gets a kick out of it too. But there isn’t.

  1.     Hold My Baby

This isn’t always funny because if you hold her wrong she could die so I usually take it pretty seriously.

  1.     Have Breakfast

This is funny because it’s such terribly unhealthy food. It’s shit like Frosted Mini Wheats.

  1.     Do Some Stuff

I don’t know exactly what. We’re targeting May 12 as the date and it’s September right now. I’m really not sure what I’ll do that day.

  1.     Come Home

I’ll give myself the benefit of the doubt and assume that I’ll leave the house at some point and then later return.

  1.     Eat More

Frankly I’m getting pretty tired of writing. This stuff seems really straightforward. I’m sure you can guess it.

  1.     Go To Sleep

Any questions?

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