By Matt Dundas
The Federal Aviation Administration (or FAA – pronounced “Faah”, like in the Talking Heads song) recently published its highly anticipated recreational drone regulations and holy shit! Idiots hate them.
After considerable analysis by highly sophisticated people, it appears that the key takeaways are: don’t fly your drone into any airliners and don’t blow up large numbers of people. Idiots are concerned that this represents yet another power grab by Emperor Obama.
The idiots complain that the rules are too burdensome on law-abiding Americans, whose 2nd Amendment rights protect them against “having to listen to this shit”.
“I thought I could do whatever the fuck I want,” said a moron who asked not to be identified for fear of losing his government job. “This is bullshit.” (He doesn’t own a drone and was just commenting generally.)
Further, and infuriating all but the most commonsensical among us, all unmanned model aircraft (or UMAs, named after Uma Thurman) must register with the federal government. “Are we dogs now?” inquired a really stupid person.
What’s getting lost in this debate is the implied importance of this issue over other, more salient matters pressing up against America’s bosom. The obvious question that you’re already thinking is, How and why is this more important than creating National Comedy Day?
That’s right: after a handful of months and almost two hundred petition signatures, President Obama still has not issued an executive order declaring May 12 National Comedy Day, which would enable Americans of all political stripes to tell dick and fart jokes at work for a day, once a year.
In allowing his Faah to move forward with the Uma Thurman stuff, Obama is sending a silent but deafening message to Americans: not only are you not funny, but you can’t be not funny where your drone don’t belong.
Again, idiots everywhere lost it.
“I’ll be an unfunny asshole anywhere the fuck I want,” said a freak in the streets.
Matt Dundas is a national reporter with Grassroots Comedy DC, and he cares a lot.